Look. I know it is entertaining as hell to watch blindly optimistic nerds get eaten by dinosaurs. But, seriously, eventually someone needs to just sort out that you shouldn’t go to Jurassic Park/World. Just don’t go! You can’t rescue dinosaurs like you rescue kittens. Just stop it!
Sorry. Where was I?
Oh. The shpiel…
The Internet can be a busy place and there isn’t enough time in the day to catch every little bad ass thing that whizzes by. Thank the good Lord for Action A Go Go!
Here are 7 — COUNT ‘EM! — 7 new trailers that are brand spankin’ new and Action A Go Go approved.
(Seriously, stop going to Jurassic Park, guys.)
ALITA: BATTLE ANGEL
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: An action-packed story of one young woman’s journey to discover the truth of who she is and her fight to change the world. (Release date: July 20th)
THE THOUSAND FACES OF DUNJIA
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: With THE THOUSAND FACES OF DUNJIA, legendary director Yuen Wo Ping and writer/producer Tsui Hark breathe new life into the wuxia genre, weaving together fantasy, humor, and breathtaking martial arts action. Dao, a naïve young constable, discovers a secret society with supernatural abilities that has protected mankind for centuries. As he’s drawn into a power struggle within their ranks, they learn that an ancient creature with the power to destroy the world is rising – and it will take all of their powers combined to stop it. (Release date: December 15th)
WOLF WARRIOR 2
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: China’s deadliest special forces operative settles into a quiet life on the sea. When sadistic mercenaries begin targeting nearby civilians, he must leave his newfound peace behind and return to his duties as a soldier and protector.(Release date: December 12th)
PACIFIC RIM UPRISING
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: Jake Pentecost, son of Stacker Pentecost, reunites with Mako Mori to lead a new generation of Jaeger pilots, including rival Lambert and 15-year-old hacker Amara, against a new Kaiju threat (Release date: March 30th)
GTA ONLINE: THE DOOMSDAY HEIST
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: A billionaire tech mogul, an idealistic intelligence agent, a socially awkward conspiracy theorist and a neurotic supercomputer have been forced into an unlikely alliance to save San Andreas from total annihilation. As apocalyptic threats mount from enemies unknown, you and your criminal crew are enlisted to un-tangle mysteries and eradicate threats spanning from the bustling streets of downtown Los Santos to the ocean floor and all the way to the inner depths of Mount Chiliad in an epic new online adventure. (Release date: December 12th)
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: ALTERED CARBON is set in a future where consciousness is digitized and stored in cortical stacks implanted in the spine, allowing humans to survive physical death by having their memories and consciousness “re-sleeved” into new bodies. The story follows specially trained “Envoy” soldier Takeshi Kovacs, who is downloaded from an off-world prison and into the body of a disgraced cop at the behest of Laurens Bancroft, a highly influential aristocrat. Bancroft was killed, and the last automatic backup of his stack was made hours before his death, leaving him with no memory of who killed him and why. While police ruled it a suicide, Bancroft is convinced he was murdered and wants Kovacs to find out the truth. (Release date: February 2nd)
JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: When the island’s dormant volcano begins roaring to life, Owen (Chris Pratt) and Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) mount a campaign to rescue the remaining dinosaurs from this extinction-level event. Owen is driven to find Blue, his lead raptor who’s still missing in the wild, and Claire has grown a respect for these creatures she now makes her mission. Arriving on the unstable island as lava begins raining down, their expedition uncovers a conspiracy that could return our entire planet to a perilous order not seen since prehistoric times. (Release date: June 22nd)